but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
