Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
