it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
