I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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