Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
