Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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