just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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