truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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