she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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