So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
