handjob tips. give me some.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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