those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
