We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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