I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
