looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
