PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
