took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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