haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
