does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
