Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
