there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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