hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
