I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
