all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Randomize
