I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
