Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
