Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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