I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
