The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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