is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
