i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I love having hate sex.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
