i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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