We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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