You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
