Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
