I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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