She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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