A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
