Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
