dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
