Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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