if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
