You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
