I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there's paper in my vomit.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
