Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
