I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
