You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
