She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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