shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
