drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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